Embracing Change

People can change. To think otherwise, should lead you to the conclusion that learning does no good. Without learning, we would still be touching hot stoves, we would not speak and we could not walk. Learning affects everything, and it is always the prelude to change. Thank goodness we are not the same people we were when we were going through those terrible twos. Of course, maybe some of us are.

You have probably met people who you hope will change. You may be in a relationship with someone just like that. If you are wishing a loved one would change, it is a sad waste of your time that can only lead to dissatisfaction and frustration. That person will change when they are ready and at their pace. Spend your time doing something useful. Be introspective.

While caring for others is never a waste of time, deciding to love someone who will never return your love, or worse is abusive, is.

The real question is not whether another person will change. The question is, can you? Rarely, do people change in significant ways all at once. We hear about the person who had a personal revelation and quit smoking on a given day, never to return to the habit. These changes happen, but they tend to be quite uncommon. As adults, most of us struggle with change. But we can also agree that personal growth is a never-ending task that will last for as long as we live, whether we will admit it or not. 

Why change? There is only one good reason to change and that is to become a better person - someone you can be proud of. If you are self destructive then you really have nothing to offer anyone who comes in contact with you. If being a negative force in the world is a personal goal, then being isolated is probably for the best. No one deserves your kind of abusive negativity.

I have a saying. We can control nothing in this world except ourselves and we usually don't do a very good job of it.

Once we let go of the things outside of our control, we can live happier because we can let go of the expectations we place on others and enjoy the gifts they give for what they are. We know we are seeing the real person and not someone who behaves in order to please us. Hoping for, or expecting others to change to suit our needs is unworkable.

Everyone deserves to be loved, and since we can only control ourselves, then we should do everything we can to be someone who deserves to be loved.

When looking for a lifelong relationship, we should be looking for someone who strives to deserves our love and not someone who deserves our pity.

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