That Which is Owing

For those who feel entitled and for gift givers.

What are we owed by the world or by anyone, for that matter? What we feel is owed to us often creates rifts in our relationships that can become unrepairable. It is better to understand the nature of owing or being owed before we start to apply these feelings in our relationships. Once we understand what is owed, it is so much easier to appreciate the wonderful gifts we receive each day.

To be indebted suggests the other party has received something that carries a contractual obligation or expectation of repayment. I go to work and I am owed compensation because of the work I do. I pay into an old age pension plan and I am owed compensation because of it. Burt, just because we are owed something, that does not guarantee we will receive payment. Our employer could go out of business. The government could change the rules and renege. These things sometimes happen.

“You owe me…” is such a common phrase that it is easy to feel we never get what we deserve. What we get in life, almost always comes from they hand of someone else, yet we seem oblivious to that fact. Shoplifters think nothing of their actions, but if they consider the actual cost of what they stole, they may begin to feel differently about whether it was a trifle or not. Imagine a thief who steals an item worth $10.00. Let’s say that the merchant earns $2.00 on that investment, so he lost $8.00. At $2.00 per sale, it will take the shopkeeper four sales of that same product just to break even. The cost of losing one item had a greater effect on the shopkeeper than the shoplifter may have realized. If that shopkeeper needs fifty sales per day to break even on his overhead costs and had just made it, his sales just dropped to forty-six. At this rate, soon he won't be in business or unable to provide an income to his employees.

Having expectations of others is just as bad. We have all witnessed the older person who seems angry at the world and justified in making others’ lives more difficult. These people have been around a long time and the world owes them something. I feel bad for these elderly people who believe that they have not received the love and respect owed to them. They do not realize that in their efforts to take something from those who do not owe them anything, results in the opposite response of what they hope for. They want to be respected, but instead, they gain loathing and disrespect. They have no right the demand from people that which is not owed.

Discounts for the elderly are not a requirement. They are a way to encourage patronage from a group of people who could choose to go elsewhere. They are a way to establish a client base. If I were considered elderly, it would be silly to think that I am owed a discount. If I wish to have one, I must choose an establishment where one is offered.

We have contracts with our bank, our employer and our spouses. In each case, we can choose to end our relationship if we do not get what we need. In each case, there is a contract that we must honor. If we fail to live up to our end of the contract, we cannot expect others to uphold theirs. We cannot have an affair and expect our spouses to be faithful. Neither can we disrespect or harm our spouses and expect them to stay. That isn't something they signed up for and it's not what we agree to.

You are only owed what has been set out by contract. Outside of that, what you have received is a gift. Imagine how much happier you could be recognizing all the things others do for you.

There are times when you give gifts. It's always nice to receive a gift in kind, but if you are one of those people who believe you should receive a gift in kind, how can you call that something you gave, a gift? The expectation of repayment makes the your "gift" anything but a gift. Sometimes friendships end over such transgressions. These are times when we erroneously believed we should receive something that is not owed.

Your mother-in-law gives you an ugly plaque. Experience tells you, as payment you must hang the plaque on the wall so she can admire it whenever she comes over. I question whether the plaque was a gift at all. You received something you did not want and  your mother-in-law has forced compensation of a sort. The cost of not paying the toll is to create a rift that could take years to heal.

Think what we may, but it is not within our power to control people around us, but we can learn from them. We are owed nothing except what is in a contract. True gifts are given without the expectation of compensation. When we realize how much comes from others that they were not obligated to give, we can live happier lives and begin to appreciate those around us.